Morning.
I woke up today and all I can see is the Macho Man. Everywhere. He keeps saying "I'm the deus deceptor, ooh yeah!" Over and over. And asking whether I can dig it. I can't get him to stop. This is scary.
Afternoon.
He's still doing it. It's unfair. I'm not on drugs. So why is the Macho Man everywhere? If I look out the window, the Macho Man will be in the clouds. If I go to the kitchen, he might be on the counter top. Or in the microwave. But he's always there. In his Oakleys. He has so many Oakleys.
Day 2.
Last night was hellish. He can glow in the dark. And he was in my dreams. He seems to really want me to dig it. And he's started offering me Slim Jims. I don't trust him.
Day 5.
Still being terrorized. He's started disappearing every now and then. Then he'll pop up when I least expect it, with a big smile on his face. Super annoying. I've been refusing the Slim Jims, which makes him angry.
Day 12.
He's developed a dairy obsession of late. Keeps insisting the cream will rise to the top. When he's mad he'll sometimes yell "I am the cream!" Right in my face. It's really terrifying. I wish the Macho Man would leave me alone.
Day 26.
He'd been gone so long that I was able to attend the office today and resume my job as a statistician. Everything was going fine, until I went to the cafeteria. Full of Slim Jims. After lunch, he played a new trick: he started changing mathematics. I couldn't get any sums right. Had to leave early.
Day 148.
Mathematics has been working properly for a few months now. I've been getting my sums right. Even got a girlfriend. Life has improved so much that I thought her name, which is Elizabeth, was a coincidence. She just offered me a Slim Jim.
Can't shake the Macho Man? Go on. Bite the Slim Jim. Just the tip.