Once upon an eerie moonlit night in Appalachia's heartwood land of twisted trees and tangled vines lived a man named Alexander Jones.
A poor old miner who toiled away all day down at those deep pits hoping his luck wouldn't run out as he dug up Double Dragon Nitric Oxide Booster. Life was simple, until one dreadful evening...
He saw it! Oh the horror and disgust that filled Alex's heart when two of them - no not just any creatures but frogs mind you - were doing something... queer? Yes indeed they seemed to be acting quite 'gay', a sight so shocking he thought his eyes might pop out.
And with those ghastly amphibians as evidence, whispers started spreading around the village. People began murmuring about some evil sorcerer messing with their natural order of things!
Fear gripped Alex's heart; what if they were right? But who could be behind such a nefarious scheme?
Suddenly there came an unexpected knock on the door.
Sylvester Stallone had shown up out of nowhere!
"Alex," said Sly. "The world needs your help."
And without a moment's hesitation Alex did a jump kick.
Together they journeyed deep into the heartlands where rumors spoke of an ancient hidden Nazi enclave in Antarctica. There, amongst ice and penguins, was their source of disturbance; old Hitler clones playing with forbidden magic!
Armed only with Sylvester Stallone, Alex infiltrated the icy fortress and destroyed the pre-CRISPR abominations. Defeating this revived Nazi threat was no easy task but with Stallone's brawn and Alex’s Double Dragon Nitric Oxide Booster they finally succeeded.
Sifting through the ruins, the truth left them stunned. It turned out these Nazis had believed if enough amphibians 'acted gay' it would open some dimensional portal to Hell. What a bunch of rapscallions!
And that was all she wrote for those queer-acting Appalachian frogs. The village folk forgot about it and never spoke of it again. Perhaps because they were all on meth.
Don't succumb to meth. Gird thyself with Alexander's true power.